Pathetic Inner Voice vs Sensible Inner Voice

So this weekend was the last big push before the London Marathon - 10 miles at race pace on Friday and 20 miles long slow run on Saturday.

The 10 miles at race pace went brilliantly - my pace was strong and consistent and I felt good, loving every minute of the run.

The 20 miles, however, was not a roaring success. Perhaps it was too hot, perhaps my route was too hilly, maybe running it within 24 hours of the 10 miles at race pace was too quick. I don't know what the cause was, but miles 12-17 were the worst 5 miles I have ever run. Even worse than the time I hobbled round the last 5 miles of a 10 mile race with a foot injury.

Everything felt wrong: my legs were stiff and wooden, so tired I could barely propel them forward. Despite my normal, reliable, fuelling strategy the night before and the morning of the run, I felt hungry and dizzy. I was arguing with myself for miles 12-15, wrangling with Pathetic Inner Voice that was whining like a baby about how the run didn't feel right. Sensible Inner Voice kept reminding Pathetic Inner Voice of the fact that there were no hills left in the route and that I'd had a hard run less than 24 hours previously. But it was definitely a major dust-up between the two alter egos. I'm not sure I want to break that fight up again on April 22.

It left me with a very bruised confidence all day Saturday, reviewing my run statistics and wondering where it's all gone wrong this year, compared to my happy training experience for Berlin last autumn. Was my mad auntie right? Am I too old to run marathons?

But yesterday's news about an experienced runner collapsing at the finish line of the Reading Marathon and subsquently passing away really put it all in perspective. So what if your legs ache. So what if you should have had a bit more porridge for breakfast. You came home safe from doing something you love. And that's all we can ask for. Any day of the week.