The lengths people go to

I've not run anywhere today - I have spent most of it on the English rail network, marvelling at other passengers' general lack of common sense (you've booked a seat - so go sit in it and stop making the carriage look untidy).

But I feel the need to write about today's big running story - the Xiamen marathon mass cheating incident. Apparently almost a third of the first 100 runners have since been disqualified for cheating. From hiring an imposter to run the race for them to getting someone faster to carry their chips round the course, they employed a range of techniques to record a fast time. Some even used the old chestnut of getting a lift part of the way round.

And all because their finishing time counted towards their university entrance points. We might think that A-levels are getting easier and higher education is being devalued in the UK. We talk about how we need to compete with China's manufacturing record and economic output. Maybe that's the answer - impose marathon finishing times as a criterion for university entry. In Xiamen, you need to finish in under 2h 34 mins to get extra points in your application - this beats any personal statement or teacher reference, let's face it.

I can see it now. Miss Smith of  Pikeyville Comprehensive reports, 'Kaylea has struggled to get to grips with English language this term, is unable to concentrate in class and potentially suffers from a learning disorder. However, she can run for the 95 bus in under 11 seconds so we would recommend her highly for any undergraduate course'

This, of course, would never work in the UK. With our ever-increasing obesity levels, running 26.2 yards is feat enough for many university candidates. Everyone knows you can't run in leopard skin Converse high tops - it totally ruin your shoes, innit?

On the same day we report this epic cheating tale from China, the press also report that cases of rickets are rising in the UK because kids don't spend enough time outside. Maybe that's the trick, make them run half-marathons to count towards their GCSEs while raising their Vitamin D levels.

By the time they're doing their AS levels and filling in their UCAS forms, they've stepped up to the marathon distance. In true Western teenager style, they are given a lift by Dad to mile 25, where he is forced to drop them off so they can get to the finish the rest themselves and not embarrass them in front of their mates.

LON